it’s me ur new classmate im here and ready 2 learn
*pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce”*
It’s like his snoring got so bad that his wife left him and now he’s just forever alone with his extra-strength Breathe Right strips
maybe the strips were so effective that he inhaled his wife
Richard Dawkins is pretty much a giant asshole.
You only say that because you’re letting your emotions control you, Tim. You’re not debating. You’re emoting.
See, unlike primitive beasts such as yourself, Richard Dawkins doesn’t have emotions, since he’s actually an animatronic character designed by Ken Ham.
Richard Dawkins works in mysterious ways.
Everything Tommy Wiseau does is like the beginning part of porn but the porn never happens and the beginning just extends throughout the entirety of the runtime
my mom meant to post a picture of her dog and posted a picture of a turkey instead
Jennifer Wagner Schmidt of JWS Interiors is showing us today how to give your home a luxe makeover!
*puts laptop bottom over stomach to help with period cramps*
today a dude slammed my finger on accident because he was closing a metal drawer i had my fingers in and i was on drive through and i literally screamed into the headset and the lady just kept ordering her drink as i was trying to hush down three different LOUD MEN SAYING “OH MY GOD WHAT DID HE DO TO YOUR HAND”
she just kept going
i screamed into a headset and she just kept going
working in customer service